How Do I Stop Having Intrusive Thoughts?

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “how do I stop having intrusive thoughts?”, you’re not alone.

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, distressing and pop into your mind automatically. They often feel shocking because they go against your values, identity and sense of self. That’s exactly why they’re so scary and exhausting.

Examples of intrusive thoughts are:

1. “What if there are germs on me from walking my dog and I didn’t wash my hands well enough? ”
2. “What if I have a terminal disease and my doctors missed it?”
3. “What if I made a terrible mistake at work and ruined everything?”
4. “What if I married the wrong person?”
5. “What if I actually am a bad person?”

Intrusive thoughts feel urgent. They demand certainty and they rarely leave quietly.

Everyone experiences intrusive thoughts, but not everyone gets stuck on them. Intrusive thoughts become obsessive when they are persistent, repetitive and feel like they need to be neutralized through compulsive behaviors. 

For example, imagine you start having “what-if” thoughts about your health. To calm the anxiety, you:

• Google your symptoms repeatedly
• Ask ChatGPT for reassurance
• Schedule multiple doctor visits
• Check your body for signs something is wrong

Maybe these behaviors interfere with getting your work done or being present with friends at a restaurant you’ve been excited to try. These behaviors bring temporary relief.

The doubt starts to creep back in.

This loop:

Obsessive thoughts → Compulsive behaviors → Temporary relief → More intense and distressing obsessive thoughts

is the cycle of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

As you try to eliminate uncertainty, you unintentionally teach your brain that the thought was dangerous in the first place. 

Here’s what my clients often find most surprising:

Trying to control intrusive thoughts or get rid of them entirely often makes them stronger.

When you treat a thought like a threat, your brain flags it as important. The more you analyze it, argue with it, or try to prove it wrong, the more “real” it feels. Or, if you tell yourself “don’t think about it”, of course you’re going to think about it. It’s like telling yourself to not think about a hot pink elephant.

This is where therapy comes in.

The gold-standard treatment for OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). However, the goal of ERP is not to eliminate your intrusive thoughts. The goal is to:

• Build tolerance for discomfort
• Stop performing compulsions
• Learn to live with uncertainty
• Reduce the meaning you attach to your thoughts

The truth is: we cannot control the content of our thoughts. However, we can change our relationship to them.

Overtime, when you stop engaging in the cycle, intrusive thoughts start to lose their intensity. They become background noise, much like other neutral thoughts such as “the sky is blue”.

This shift changes everything.

When an intrusive thought pops into your mind, your instinct may be to:

• Figure it out
• Provide it wrong
• Get reassurance
• Make the anxiety go away

Instead, try this:

Label it as an intrusive thought

This might sound like, “I am having an intrusive thought,” or “My OCD is telling me…”

Allow the discomfort to exist

Of course you prefer your comfort zone. We all do. But growth doesn’t happen there. You don’t have to like the anxiety. All I’m asking is that you let the anxiety exist without trying to fix it or get rid of it.

This might sound like:

“I’m feeling really anxious right now. I don’t like it. I don’t have to like it and I can get through it”.

Resist or delay the compulsion

This is the hard part. Not googling, not mentally reviewing, not seeking reassurance.

If stopping the compulsion completely feels impossible, start by delaying it. Try 5 minutes. Then 10. Then 15. Gradually increase the time. Delaying helps you sit with discomfort in manageable doses rather than overwhelming yourself.

When you delay the compulsion and tolerate the discomfort, this is when your brain begins to rewire. 

Engage in value-aligned behaviors

Bring yourself back to the present moment. Ask yourself, what brings you joy? What matters most to you?

The anxiety might spike. That’s expected. But anxiety rises, peaks and eventually falls just like a wave in the ocean crashes. When you stop feeding the cycle, your brain learns:

This thought is not dangerous. I don’t need to solve it.

And you can spend more time and energy doing the things you love with the people you love.

**Please keep in mind: these techniques are educational and do not replace therapy.